Exposing cruel and unusual workplaces since 2005.
Showing 31 - 35 of 121 Tales.
Tale # 14
Dept: Sales & Marketing Score: 302
Dec 1st 2005 Submitted by Max
“I Was a Corporate Cuddler”
A donut I was hired fresh out of school by one of the world's biggest computer companies. My sales team's customers were other large corporations, which tended to cough up a multi-million dollar order every three or four years, but in between generate very little revenue.

Our sales reps were all very sharp, driven, well-paid guys: studs, essentially, who wanted to nail a customer for a big order, then get the hell out so they could start looking for the next attractive order.

The last thing the reps wanted was to hang around, making sweet talk, when they'd already got what they wanted. But the customer would be offended if the sales rep immediately rushed off and stopped returning phone calls. That could jeapordize the next big order, a few years down the track.

So my job was to cuddle them. The highly-paid rep would move on to another account, and the customer would be told that I was their new rep. We tried to make it seem like I was a stud sales rep, too, so didn't tell them that I earned a quarter of what the other reps did, split my time between ten times as many accounts, got no commissions, and wasn't really expected to generate big orders. I was there to cuddle them: to hold them, whisper sweet nothings to them, and make them feel cared about. LINK
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Tale # 105
Dept: Sales & Marketing Score: 281
Apr 8th 2007 Submitted by Steve
“The New Buzzword”
A donut Some co-workers at a Fortune 200 company I used to work for were standing around talking one day about the stupid corporate buzzwords we used to hear at sales and marketing meetings ("synergy" and "zeitgeist" come to mind), when my next door cube neighbor came up with an idea. She and her husband both worked at the company in different departments. She said they wanted to introduce the word "beneful" as a new buzzword and see if it would stick.

In case you don't know, Beneful is the name of a dog food.

So she and her husband started inserting the word into conversations during these meetings. Darned if it didn't work. She said she heard several other people start using it who weren't in on the joke. LINK
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Tale # 29
Dept: All-Staff Score: 279
Dec 12th 2005 Submitted by Marky Lazer
“Money for Meetings”
A donut When you were a minute late at work, our clocking system would notice and you didnít get paid for the full hour, but for forty-five minutes. In the past people came late and this was the only solutionÖ

Every first Saturday of the month, we had a kick-off meeting. All the employees would turn up an hour before we were supposed to start, and talked about the great things we accomplished in the past month, and the things that needed to improve. You got a free cup of tea. No salary.

I refused to show up at the meeting if I didnít get the money I deserved. Itís a two-way story, I said to my line manager. I was not amused.

Every week, there was a half-four meeting on Friday with some special departments that worked close together. My line-manager put me on the list to attend them and if I didnít go, he would have a reason to sack me. What he forgot was my argument for not showing up, and he also forgot that these meetings counted as work time, providing me with an extra hour of salary in the week. The only thing I did was smile and nip my tea. LINK
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Tale # 63
Dept: Management Score: 273
Jan 27th 2006 Submitted by Editrix
“Company Standards”
A donut My first post-college job was at a hyper-efficient, alarmingly enthusiastic company. At our annual staff meeting, a President proclaimed in his thick accent, "I luff this company. I vood die for zis company."

I moved on to another company, where I expected much the same thing. I noticed that things were a little different--nothing was ever finished on time, the attitude wasn't so much "pride in a job well done" as "eh, just get it out the door"--but I almost fell out of my chair when the CEO proclaimed that the new renovations would be "up to this company's usual standards--you know, a little crappy." LINK
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Tale # 83
Dept: I.T. Score: 249
May 10th 2006 Submitted by Anonymous
“A Blessing”
A donut I worked for a non-profit company that refurbished computers for resale to underpriveledged familes. The computers were sold for the same price Microsoft charged for software licenses.

Soon after my employment started, I realised I was quite a bit more competent than all their employees. As is my nature, I stepped in and developed efficient new routines for almost all aspects of their business.

Nearing the end of my contract they were so thrilled with my work they wrote a letter saying, "We are blessed to have you in our company." As anyone would be, I was touched.

A few weeks later, they emailed me to say they'd received a CD for Microsoft Office in their mailslot, and asked if I knew anything about it. I didn't have any idea.

A few months later, the new company I was working for did a background check on me and found the non-profit had informed the police that I had defrauded them of their software and stolen from them. They had even submitted a restraining order against me. LINK
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Showing 31 - 35 of 121 Tales.