Exposing cruel and unusual workplaces since 2005.
Showing 51 - 55 of 121 Tales.
Tale # 82
Dept: Operations Score: 135
Apr 25th 2006 Submitted by Anonymous
“No Boss is a Good Boss?”
A donut I worked for a business whose services included children's birthday parties. I was to do the setup and then entertain the kids: "If the children are happy, they'll make their parents come back."

On my first day of work, I was shown my job as quickly as the owner possibly could. We're talking maybe ten minutes total of explanation.

Then the owner was rushed to the hospital, where she stayed for over a week.

Suddenly I had to do a birthday party for 20+ little kids. Both food vendors messed up, and the kid's birthday cake had to be fetched while I started the party.

I spent most of the party making sure kids weren't swinging their golf clubs in the air or climbing on things they shouldn't be. I also spent quite a bit of time keeping them on our premises since the birthday girl's mother was busy talking to other parents and ignoring the children.

When the owner got back, she informed me that the mother of the birthday girl had "felt ignored." I wasn't hired to entertain the parents; I was hired to interact with the children. But despite the manager saying I was the hardest working employee ever, the owner decided I wasn't a good match for the job.

Before she could fire me, I quit. LINK
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Tale # 41
Dept: Human Resources Score: 126
Dec 13th 2005 Submitted by Anonymous
“Workplace Safety for Dummies”
A donut This e-mail was sent to all employees. It is not a joke.

---Original Message---
From: [name]
To: [staff]
Subject: Safety Tips

*Close* the drawers of filing cabinets when not in use

*Move* boxes out of pathways, corridors, and high traffic areas

*Hold* the hand rail when using the stairs, and keep to the left

*Wipe* up spills and wet spots in the tea room and reception

*Walk* - do not run - in the office

When the cleaners are on site, *Look* for the "Caution - Slippery When Wet" signs indicating recently mopped or polished floors

*Approach* blind corners and walkways with caution - give way at T-intersections! LINK
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Tale # 55
Dept: All-Staff Score: 120
Jan 7th 2006 Submitted by The Anglo
“Donuts, Shoes, and Porn”
A donut One morning we arrived at our office to discover something strange. First, donuts had been left on top of various female staff members' computer monitors. Second, some of the women who left their shoes in the office overnight (as they wore sneakers to and from work) said their shoes had been moved around. Third, some of their computers had apparently been used to browse pornographic web sites.

This was pretty strange, but what was even more bizarre was management's serious investigation into it. I was sat down by a pregnant French woman and asked whether I had come into the office at night, put donuts on computers, moved womens' shoes around, and used computers to look at "'ot schoolgirl beaches" and "ennel facking 'ores". I should have started looking for another job right then. LINK
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Tale # 23
Dept: All-Staff Score: 115
Dec 4th 2005 Submitted by Omni
“Unions, OH&S, toasters and other bureaucracies.”
A donut To be fair not all bureaucratic annoyances come from above. Being a large teleco, the company has it's own fun and games from the unions and various government departments.

Now I've often made this point of view known, 'Unions and Government departments aren't motivated by profit. It's completely out of the equation for them. The only way they can justify their existence is to waste your god damn time, force you to pay attention to them somehow then they can claim to be doing something.'

My boss at the time often disagreed with this point of view, but however he did feel that I had the right attitude for an OH&S (Occupational Health & Safety) rep.

It's not fair. You pinky lefty types aren't supposed to be sneaky and smart like that.

The upshot of it that now they come to me to organise their audits and I do everything I can to get them the hell away from me ASAP with minimal impacts. Not that I don't take employee safety seriously, but if you come and tell me that we can't put tinsel up because if might fall and hurt someones eye I'm going to tell you exactly where I'm gonna put the tinsel instead.

But the toaster was a point of contention. Yes apparently this appliance that lives happily in millions of peoples homes is in fact a lethal burning electrocuting trap as soon as you take it out of it's natural environment and into the office. The owner of said toaster (who would often bribe me with toasted ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast) tried to assure everyone that she had the whole affair under control and everything was fine, but eventually she said she had my permission to do it.

Well I tell you what. I thought that I had finally be busted for stealing Lindy Chamberlain's kid. But no, it was just about the toaster, and how apparently I didn't understand about the cheese burning, and how it might be hot if one person has one then suddenly the office will be full of cheesy hot toasters that are left on 24/7.

All my comments and counter arguments (which largely revolved around, 'Bugger off before you have an OH&S incident') fell on deaf ears. And after two months of this and several threats to get the unions involved I eventually caved and asked toaster girl to keep it in a drawer when it wasn't being used.

Problem solved. BTW the 'If I don't see it..' approach also works for liquid paper, which also isn't allowed in the office, because apparently someone might drink it or sniff too much of it and die.

Personally I say that just evolution in action, but I don't get to make the rules, I just get to ignore them. LINK
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Tale # 51
Dept: All-Staff Score: 105
Jan 3rd 2006 Submitted by Pizza guy
“Big bad bootlickers”
A donut I used to work in a corporate pizza chain. Not as a manager, but as a cook. The guy who gets dirty, burned, and underappreciated. I emphasize the "corporate" part because, despite making incredibly good pizza, it was turning into a corporate cult. I stayed there for four years, working long hours for low pay because I loved pizza so much. The managers would make big displays out of how submissive they were to higher-level managers. I even called some of them the "big bad bootlickers." One manager got so angry at me he called me the A-word right in front of other employees.

An emphasis on corporateness is often a harbinger of bad things to come. My last winter there, it was announced that we cooks were to have another task dumped on us to relieve the workloads of other departments: we had to handwash the metal heat sinks that we put into the inch-thick pizzas to make them cook faster. This was a VERY time-consuming practice that caused us to have to stay late. Both of my managers gave me the same reason for me having to do this: "If you don't do it, we won't get our bonuses."

I didn't last much longer than that. I moved on to become a real chef elsewhere. The A-word guy eventually quit in frustration at his job. The restaurant went out of business a few years later, and a knockoff chain has taken its place.

LINK
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Showing 51 - 55 of 121 Tales.