Exposing cruel and unusual workplaces since 2005.
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Showing 16 - 20 of 42 Tales in "All-Staff".
Tale # 23
Dept: All-Staff Score: 118
Dec 4th 2005 Submitted by Omni
“Unions, OH&S, toasters and other bureaucracies.”
A donut To be fair not all bureaucratic annoyances come from above. Being a large teleco, the company has it's own fun and games from the unions and various government departments.

Now I've often made this point of view known, 'Unions and Government departments aren't motivated by profit. It's completely out of the equation for them. The only way they can justify their existence is to waste your god damn time, force you to pay attention to them somehow then they can claim to be doing something.'

My boss at the time often disagreed with this point of view, but however he did feel that I had the right attitude for an OH&S (Occupational Health & Safety) rep.

It's not fair. You pinky lefty types aren't supposed to be sneaky and smart like that.

The upshot of it that now they come to me to organise their audits and I do everything I can to get them the hell away from me ASAP with minimal impacts. Not that I don't take employee safety seriously, but if you come and tell me that we can't put tinsel up because if might fall and hurt someones eye I'm going to tell you exactly where I'm gonna put the tinsel instead.

But the toaster was a point of contention. Yes apparently this appliance that lives happily in millions of peoples homes is in fact a lethal burning electrocuting trap as soon as you take it out of it's natural environment and into the office. The owner of said toaster (who would often bribe me with toasted ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast) tried to assure everyone that she had the whole affair under control and everything was fine, but eventually she said she had my permission to do it.

Well I tell you what. I thought that I had finally be busted for stealing Lindy Chamberlain's kid. But no, it was just about the toaster, and how apparently I didn't understand about the cheese burning, and how it might be hot if one person has one then suddenly the office will be full of cheesy hot toasters that are left on 24/7.

All my comments and counter arguments (which largely revolved around, 'Bugger off before you have an OH&S incident') fell on deaf ears. And after two months of this and several threats to get the unions involved I eventually caved and asked toaster girl to keep it in a drawer when it wasn't being used.

Problem solved. BTW the 'If I don't see it..' approach also works for liquid paper, which also isn't allowed in the office, because apparently someone might drink it or sniff too much of it and die.

Personally I say that just evolution in action, but I don't get to make the rules, I just get to ignore them. LINK
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Tale # 51
Dept: All-Staff Score: 106
Jan 3rd 2006 Submitted by Pizza guy
“Big bad bootlickers”
A donut I used to work in a corporate pizza chain. Not as a manager, but as a cook. The guy who gets dirty, burned, and underappreciated. I emphasize the "corporate" part because, despite making incredibly good pizza, it was turning into a corporate cult. I stayed there for four years, working long hours for low pay because I loved pizza so much. The managers would make big displays out of how submissive they were to higher-level managers. I even called some of them the "big bad bootlickers." One manager got so angry at me he called me the A-word right in front of other employees.

An emphasis on corporateness is often a harbinger of bad things to come. My last winter there, it was announced that we cooks were to have another task dumped on us to relieve the workloads of other departments: we had to handwash the metal heat sinks that we put into the inch-thick pizzas to make them cook faster. This was a VERY time-consuming practice that caused us to have to stay late. Both of my managers gave me the same reason for me having to do this: "If you don't do it, we won't get our bonuses."

I didn't last much longer than that. I moved on to become a real chef elsewhere. The A-word guy eventually quit in frustration at his job. The restaurant went out of business a few years later, and a knockoff chain has taken its place.

LINK
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Tale # 16
Dept: All-Staff Score: 58
Dec 1st 2005 Submitted by Anonymous
“The Most Important Thing I Learned At Work”
A donut As a fresh graduate to a big company, I was eager to learn all I could to facilitate my rise up the corporate ladder. There was one manager in particular who impressed me: he was smart, ruthless, and half the company was scared of him. I watched him carefully for tips I could use in my own career.

One day, many months later, I went into the bathroom and there he was: standing slouched at the urinal, chin almost on chest, fiddling with his penis. In that moment I learned a crucial lesson: nobody can respect you when you look like that. From then on I have always made sure I stood tall at the trough. LINK
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Tale # 163
Dept: All-Staff Score: 16
Apr 1st 2009 Submitted by Anonymous
“don't rock the boat”
A donut ...not exactly a corporation, but...
I worked for a small office furniture installation company for several years. Each year at Christmas, the owner would give us each a generous bonus. On the last year I worked with this company, Christmas crept closer and closer with no bonuses having been given out and no word of whether or not they were coming. The day before Christmas, the owner, who had recently returned from a long weekend in Las Vegas, announced to the company that no bonuses would be given out as it had been a "tough year for us". Some of my co-workers were crushed. Many of them had kids, for whom these bonuses were used to provide a nice Christmas. We're talking about some very blue-collar guys. When we returned to work after the holiday, we were greeted with the site of where our bonuses had really gone. The owner had parked his brand-new, top-of-the-line, 25 foot power boat in the warehouse. He, needless to say, was beeming ear to ear with enthusiasm. The productivity of the installation crews dropped off the charts. I have to say that I should thank him. That one act convinced me to go back to school and earn my degree. He closed the business 2 years later. LINK
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Tale # 534
Dept: All-Staff Score: 14
Apr 9th 2011 Submitted by Anonymous
“Efficiency?”
A donut I've been working for my company for 3 years. We recently underwent a "restructure", which as far as most of us are concerned means an excuse to dump staff.

As part of this restructure, a lot of admin jobs came up, including my own. Now I like to think I'd done pretty darn well at my job, and it requires a little more technical knowledge than a regular admin job, due to it involving asbestos knowledge.

But still, I had to apply for my own job, along with many other admin staff. I was informed that my interview would involve a manager and a HR representative. When I went to the interview, I found that it actually consisted of *six* managers. This threw me straight away, and I was a bit nervous throughout the interview, but felt confident that since I knew so much about the job, I'd be fine.

I was informed less than a week later that I hadn't got my own job, and what was more I had to train the clueless girl that did get it how to do my job! Nice going... LINK
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Showing 16 - 20 of 42 Tales in "All-Staff".